New Year, New Story (Part 2)

A family could be so intimidating. Trust me. This writing came from a picture, that was captured by a friend of mine, at a wedding ceremony.

The picture frames a family members, who are all ladies. They dress the same color, model, and share the the alike hairstyle. The event was a wedding ceremony of their relatives. The background was a house, with Balinese traditional wall carvings, well furnished, and decorated with flowers everywhere.

What makes me uttering the first sentence of this article? that a family could be so intimidating? This is because I've been a part of them, though not as the real family members. I meant, We did hang out together and go along with their internal conversation. I directly heard and saw, their point of view regarding a thing. What places the choose to hang out to. To be honest, apart from their nice, friendly, and kind personality, I felt that it was not my place among their environment.

I was there, but it wasn't my lifestyle. I was there, but I climbed too hard, while there they are; since they were born into this world. I'm not saying that this is bad, either negative. This is just a problem of misplaced. I was misplaced for some times.

Let me try to describe how it feels at the time. When the time they ask me to join their hang out time, I will consider the first thing: where? When I got the answer, it would continue to the next question: What to wear? I started to open my cupboard with a thousand tons of worries. Do I have appropriate outfit to wear for the occasion? Perhaps I did, but I was too shy to be different from them. Apparently, I tried too hard to be alike, like one or all of them. I was afraid to be wrong. I was kinda classic, but they are up-to-date.

Second thing, they come from a family who used to be the ruler of a region. They used to have power, relatives, and enough wealth. It seems like if there is a hierarchy in this modern life, If I could say, perhaps they are in the second level from the top. The family is respected, for their kindness, wisdom, and good attitude.

So far, as I'm about to write longer, I realized that the basic problem was not located at their family members. It was not them who was intimidating. It was me who felt being intimidated. There was not enough evidences to prove that they did some conscious acts, which resulted in the bad feeling at my side.

However, based on my point of view, which incidentally also made me surprised, I found myself (still) didn't belong to that family.

A little bit sad,as I love them honestly, but I should confess that it is more releasing. I am no longer feel misplaced :)